Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
