that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
