I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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