I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
