Cold hands, warm shart.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
high people should be assigned attendants
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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