shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
