How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
