ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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