My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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