my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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