guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
