I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
