he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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