God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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