I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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