You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
