I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
