It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
