he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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