what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
