You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
