I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
