hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
