And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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