Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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