You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
