Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
