So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i wish my penis had a tongue
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
