I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
