Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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