In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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