what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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