i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
