**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
