found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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