i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
