No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
