the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
