They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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