he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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