I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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