You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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