Please, let me fuck your mom
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
