U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
