fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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