Sry I called you an 8
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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