drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
