Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
