I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
