Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
