I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
