You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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