i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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