do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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